it-is's Diaryland Diary

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in progress

I used to come here for solace. To find my voice and set it down somewhere safe. Concrete. To leave my mark on the world.

And then, one day, I was given what I thought was a gift: a diagnosis. Definition. Thick, sturdy outlines that I could see, taste, touch. Push against. They gave me weight, when I was weightless.

But the problem with external forces moulding you into shape, as I discovered, is that they consume you. I drowned, and willingly. It was easier to sink, than to swim against a current of medical literature and stigma and an overwhelming mental health care system.

It is like displacing yourself with the broken self you're told you are.

I fought every part of me they considered a symptom, fought to the death. Eradication.

8:35 p.m. - 2015-06-29

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