it-is's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blind sculptures Who do I want to be? What actually makes me happy? I feel like I only have so much positive energy and I exhausted it all at work, there's nothing left after each week but tears. What do I do when I can do whatever I want? What do I want to do? I ask this and the answer comes echoing back, it's still nothing. I have not changed. A job does not change me. The emotional pain and debilitating emptiness are still there, masked by busy work and meaningless small-scale priorities. Is that all that life is? Do I just keep keeping busy until I die? What the fuck is the point? WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT????? When I ask myself what I want my life to look like, all I have for answers are the things I don't want anymore. But life isn't like woodcarving, I can't cut away the things that hurt and harm me and then see what the fuck is left and put it on display like, THIS is what my happy looks like. And I don't know how to build something from nothing. Which is where I'm starting from. I have an empty pedestal and an entire world of materials to choose from but all I can see are the elements I hate. Everything else is masked by the blindness of depression. I'm so tired. 3:05 p.m. - 2022-05-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||