2008-08-27, 10:33 p.m.

the last compliment i will ever give you

You were right. I hate that you're always right but I'm glad about this, glad 'cause I can forget you, erase you, happily and of my own free will, just like you said! Just like you said I would. You are not forcing my hand, not pushing me away because I go willingly, dancing and twirling and twisting away as light as the air I'm breathing now that I am free. The further away you are, the better better better so hurry up and go!

I am most excited for you to become a memory, so I can fondly remember you, fondly but without longing or a sense of loss, without sadness. I will enjoy the memory of you, the past tense of you, the fading image blurred face sunglasses version of you that I can smile about as though you were simply an amusing anecdote told to me at a party years previous. I will shake my head at the memory of you and laugh, amused by my own past-tense version and her inability to see through your two dimensions.

I am so clear, now, so clear and light and fully-formed; I am no longer a shifting shape, blurred edges, confused and undetermined and transparent. I am substance, I am present-tense, I am breaking the flow of water and I am being everything you never wanted to be and it feels like love, it feels like the anti-you, the opposite-you, the you I had to dream about because that you didn't really exist and could and would never.

So fly away, destructive-you, fuck off and be gone, be done, dissipate and desecrate some other naive young thing before she catches on. Just do it somewhere without my name on it; just get away from me and mine 'cause I'm ready to live my life without you haunting me.

I'm ready to be free of your ghost.