it-is's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- no bridges left to burn, only build I woke from a dream about being betrayed, taken hostage, and forced to vomit out everything inside of me. If that isn't a nightmare then I don't know what is. I am afraid; afraid to have the kinds of feelings I'm having for the curly-haired man with the dangerously sincere eyes. I sense no pretence here which means I then meet him with pure honesty and that is terrifying. When we both have up walls, there is safety there. I don't have to make my own boundaries, there. But here, there is only the space I am willing to travel towards him, and he towards me. And I sense the gap is closing too quickly for my fight-or-flight heart. How do you hold on to someone while holding onto yourself? I only have two arms and his compassion and care is immense all-encompassing exquisite bliss beckoning to me from across the divide I've made for myself, reaching across that demon-filled cavern to coax me to safety, back to humanity. I think part of me wanted to get there on my own. But I've been searching for a bridge for over a decade and maybe there isn't one, maybe he is building one for me. 7:48 a.m. - 2022-05-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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