it-is's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- heavily sedated mind fragments rationalizing death The older I get, the harder I find it is to believe in the possibility of the incredible. The easier it becomes to imagine laying my head down in surrender, on a clean, white, down-filled pillow, and blowing my brains out all over it. Because that's all I am--my mind--and it's trapped in this imperfect person like a prison, solitary confinement inside my skull. I am alone. But if I could just get out, if I could free my mind from my body, I imagine that's what heaven would be for those nonbelievers. We don't need a God to forgive us our sins, we just need a release. From social conventions, a lifetime of mistreatments leading to psychoses and personality disorders inflicted upon our bodies and suffered by our minds. I want to cut open my head and hold my brain in my hands and then rip it into pieces. Death isn't a problem, it's a solution. It's the only solution to an empty world. My mind is what loves, my body doesn't know a thing about it. A small piece for each of those closest to me and they would have my eternal, deepest love. One with no boundaries. Whenever, wherever they wanted it. 12:10 a.m. - 2012-04-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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